Just hit me over the head already...

Yesterday I had my counselor appointment. I go to her so that I can have someone that I dont have to worry about judging me for all the crazy things that I do. The problem with that and all other things that I have to do that require money, I have to ask for money from him. I have no access to money right now. All money I receive is suppose to go right back to him. So if he doesnt leave me money I dont do things that require money, like go grocery shopping. But this was something that I was not about to miss out on. If anything after the attitude I got I needed it more than anything else. And I am glad that I did!

It was just the bonk on the head that I needed to get my life moving forward again. She told me that my unhappiness was coming from the way that I was being treated and that only I could change me. Which got me to realize that I am a different person with my husband than I am with anyone else. I dont have a problem telling anyone else what I think, just him. No clue as to what happened in my life to make me feel that I couldnt tell him. But I had it twisted in my mind that he wouldnt care or wouldnt like what I had to say. So I zipped my lips and shut up.

But not anymore...I have tasted my first real freedom in my marriage and I loved it. I told him that I spend money when I am unhappy with my life. And the debt got to be so bad that that was the fueling my spending more because I was unhappy with the situation that I had gotten myself into. Until it all came to a crashing disaster and then I felt like I had nothing to make me happy. Then I told him that I was stronger than I was letting myself be and I wasnt going to let that happen anymore. His plan on the money wasnt working and it was time that I take over some of this stuff. I dont want full power over the money but I do want to be able to go grocery shopping when I need too.

All in all I think things are going to start looking up. I am exerting my independence...watch out!!!