Intro to my life....

My name is Sarah. I am an almost 27 year mother of 2 little girls who has been married for 9 years. My life revolves around cleaning my house, raising my kids, running my photography business, trying to keep in shape, and being the "good" wife that takes care of her husband.

For the past 2 years I have accumulated a lot of debt behind my husbands back. I think that I did this to fill the void in my life and marriage. Look at it as this is my addiction for control in my life. If you look back I lost control but while I was spending I felt better about my life for a brief moment. And then some of it was to buy stuff that we need to live off but I couldnt ask my husband for more money for my grocery budget.

When I say ask, I mean that I have to ask to buy things...everything because we have separate finances. And I dont have a lot of money coming in to sustain a household of 4. So I have to ask for everything. We did get to a point in our marriage that I was able to pay bills (with his money) and have a little bit of trust with his money. That is all gone now that the truth is out about my debt. Now I have to explain every cent I use, over and over again. I also have turn over any money I get to my husband. And hear him complain about how bad he has it financailly.

I admit that what I did was wrong and it is taking a huge chuck out of our savings. But we are still bringing in income, still saving money, and we still have savings. We are not on the verge of bankrupsy or losing our house but with my husbands attitude you would think that this was the case. I hear constantly how he gets screwed over at work and has gotten screwed over at home. He feels that he has been taken advantage of by everyone. And I agree that my debt wasnt in his plan but this man is no where near taken advantage of.

He goes to work and then comes home and sits at the computer. He has never done laundry, dishes, cleaned up our entire marriage unless he has too. Which is when I am gone and he is alone. If I am busy with a photoshoot and unable to cook dinner for him we go out for dinner because he doesnt cook for himself. I guess he did when he wanted to go on a special diet and I refused to cook for him...but that stopped when he went off his diet. His only household duty is paying the bills. Which if you asked him he would claim that he has to do everything. I admit that he has a pretty crap job. He works alot and doesnt get the amount of money that he deserves. But he is only 31 yrs. old and that is something that you have to kind of work up to. This year probably would have gone better if the economy wasnt as bad as it is...no raise...poor husband!!!!

I think that what I did was wrong. I shouldnt have lied about the debt and kept it a secret. And I just shouldnt have bought things that I didnt need. Plain and simple: Live within your means. I realize that now. But everyday I have to deal with a 31 yr. old man that complains about how bad he has it. How he wishes sometimes that he were dead. And everyday I have to hear about how I am not getting things and how stupid I am. How we dont have money to do anything and he doesnt have time to do everything. And the list goes on and on and on.

So I am starting this blog to guide me through this mess. To try to make sense of it somehow for me. I think that it is important that I try to keep it together as best I can right now and this is my attempt to do so. We'll see if it works! And if it doesnt this a document on how to slowly lose your mind!